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Turning A New Page

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I believe that there is a time in every woman’s life where she must come to terms with her mistakes, her misgivings…her flaws and cast the formidable “pride” aside (at least for a while).
Growing up as a child, I’d never been financially fortunate or stable but I was lucky indeed to have had (I still do) the privilege of a blooming love around me. An unconditional and compassionate love that I would not trade for the world as it is this love that has made me into the person I am today. At 19 years old, I must admit that I may still be too young to fully grasp the total aspects of this world and commit myself completely to the spasms and rocky hills of love…but hey, I can try, can’t I? And I am more than willing to. ‘Eager’ would be the best word.
My mother had always taught me never to lose my identity…neither for love OR what I might think love is. There is no such thing. I should not be forced to make such a sacrifice! ¬†True love accepts you for who you are. For at the end of the day, what matters most is that I should be able to look in the mirror and recognize myself for who I am…and not for what the world has molded me into. I’ve had my share of heartaches and losses in life (yes, I’m completely human and if you cut me you’ll see a red liquid oozing out called blood) but there is no use moping about feeling sorry for myself. I have to take action as an individual and become a better person just for the heck of it. Just because I want to.
So, I’ve created a list of apologies I feel I owe to myself, for Kat Richter has been such an inspiration in my life since lately. Here are five (5) of them:

1. I’m sorry that sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see.
2. I’m sorry I’ve made myself believe that I cannot have FUN just for having fun’s sake…
3. I’m sorry that sometimes I keep my true self guarded out of fear of getting hurt.
4. I’m sorry I’ve lied to myself countless times–dimming my true potential simply out of shyness.
5. I’m sorry that I don’t allow myself to tell HIM I love him as much as I should–as much as I DO.

After writing my list, I figured that I had discovered a lot more about myself than I had imagined I would have. So, today I have recognized just what I need to do about it. And this list takes effect immediately:

1. I’m beautiful. Completely breathtaking right down to every dark spot, acne mark and cellulite.
2. I’ll start having FUN because deep down I know that I want to take a well-needed break from my boorish reserved life.
3. I promise to be more open and giving. I refuse to let the possibility of getting hurt (again) hold me back anylonger. It’s not worth it.
4. This one may take some time and a bit more effort to accomplish but I promise to work on releasing my inhibitions and insecurities; and pursue my dreams, utilizing my abilities to my fullest potential.

AND

5. I LOVE YOU, KR!! I will now say it more often as I understand that even though you know that I do, it wouldn’t hurt to hear it.

P.S. KR just happens to be one of the best things to happen to me in a very long while.

A New Beginning. An Awakening.

A New Beginning. An Awakening.

Boeing 777-200ER [Missing Flight From Malaysia]

I don’t know but this story is so puzzling that I find myself reading about it whenever I get the chance, desperate to gain knowledge of some worthwhile update. While countries are doing the best they can to find this plane occupied by over 200 passengers, my heart goes out to all the families and friends out there waiting–no doubt–impatiently to hear the news that their loved ones are okay…..that they will be coming back to them soon. ūüė¶

Grief: Family and friends waiting for the plane to arrive break down as they hear the jet has gone missing. The flight vanished off the coast of Vietnam around two hours after taking off.

[CREDIT: http://www.sfgate.com]¬†KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) ‚ÄĒ Piracy and pilot suicide are among the scenarios under study as investigators grow increasingly certain the missing Malaysian Airlines jet changed course and headed west after its last radio contact with air traffic¬†controllers.

The latest evidence suggests the plane didn’t experience a catastrophic incident over the South China Sea as was initially suspected. Some experts theorize that one of the pilots, or someone else with flying experience, hijacked the plane or committed suicide by plunging the jet into the¬†sea.

A U.S. official said Friday in Washington that investigators are examining the possibility of “human intervention” in the plane’s disappearance, adding it may have been “an act of piracy.” The official, who wasn’t authorized to talk to the media and spoke on condition of anonymity, said it also was possible the plane may have landed¬†somewhere.

TAKE A LOOK AT THE RECENT UPDATES ON THIS CASE YET: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/15/world/asia/malaysia-military-radar.html?_r=0

Finding Mr. Right

 

…..So, there’s been this forever talk about finding this “Mr. Right”–I’m sure–for decades now. TV has orchestrated the idea of the “perfect” man and we all just fall limp to its opinions…..¬†

According to Noelle-Neumann’s Spiral of Silence theory we, the minority, often tend to go a long with popular opinion which is¬†broadcast-ed¬†by the Media in order to¬†avoid¬†social¬†isolation. There is one aspect of a woman’s life where she is caught up in this mass of confusion; one every female can relate to. And that is the idea of a “Mr. Right”. Most often than not, “Mr. Right” is portrayed in movies and reality shows as a dark tall and handsome businessman or doctor with a heart-stopping smile and more-than-enough money to spare. Italian shoes, a Ferrari…..and incredible connections to¬†expensive¬†restaurants are normally added to the package as well. So, if you believe in¬†fairy-tales¬†(and everyone has their own liking) you might find yourself in a deep ditch one day because quite frankly, such things do not exist. At least not in this world anyway.¬†

In my opinion, do not waste precious time searching for a “perfect” man for we all know that you’ll never find one. Consider this: you’ve decided to devote the 2014-2016 period to finding yourself a “Mr. Right” but at the end of that tenure “he” turns out to be not what you had bargained for. My friend, you would have just wasted TWO YEARS of your life!! During that time a perfectly sweet and spontaneous guy could have possibly slipped right through your fingers because you had been chasing after unicorns instead of embracing a real flesh and blood man.¬†

I had been fooled once by my obsession with what TV has taught me about “Mr. Right” as well. I had gone searching–rather, waiting–for a perfect man to fall in my life and had been hurt terribly. Why? Because what I thought and I had wanted–specifically, what TV had taught me to want–was not what I had actually needed. So I had almost failed to embrace the perfect man FOR me when he had strolled casually into my life.¬†

KR was my eye-opener into reality. I had found that he was the first person I wanted to see in the mornings, the person I ate lunch with everyday…the person who I often sat with for hours talking about nothing in particular. He had become my¬†best friend. And I had taken so long–but not too long, thank God–to realize that I had fallen in love with him. He had become the RIGHT man for ME.

Ladies, instead of allowing TV to make this choice of who your perfect guy should be, go off on a tangent and explore your options. You’d be surprised at what you find. He may come by in uniform, leather-ware, deck shorts and slippers…even faded jeans and sneakers. Whatever the case, as long as he treats you well and his feelings parallel yours, grab that man by the collar and make him yours. He might not look like “Mr. Right” according to popular opinion; in the end what others think do not matter.¬†

Your happiness comes first and if your willing to spend you time cherishing the guy who is right there rather than wasting years ploughing through vast populations for a man who does not exist, then you’re on the right road to true happiness. Do not fall limp to what TV wants you to believe. There is a guy out there who is just right for you. He’s YOUR right man. “Mr. Right” is just a figment of our imagination–he’s a movie character who was created to stir fantasy. Life is about¬†compromise. And in that, you’ll find that the man who you need might not be¬†PERFECT but¬†he’s certainly RIGHT.¬†

Hannah

P.S. Enjoying MY right man.

Breathing new air………

It’s amazing how long I took to realize just how lacking THAT relationship had been. Perhaps I was too young and too willing; too submissive to the fact that I had aimed too much to please, caring little about my own needs. Relationships are about “give and take”, right? I’ve been hearing that phrase since I was a child but apparently all my wise advisors had somewhat failed to mention just how much I was to give and how much to take in return. So when I had found myself shadowed by him who had given so very little and demanded so much to the point where I thought I was beginning to lose myself…..I had not known the pain it was truly causing me until he had taken it ALL and I had no more to give.
Naturally…or unnaturally (depending on how composed you keep your emotions), I had found myself curled up on my sofa, a blanket tugged all the way up to my chin, a few bars of chocolate and a stomach that seemed to be quite bottomless…..and my TV on Lifetime, watching a movie I’d probably seen ten times before. I had put my phone on ‘silent’, just so I wouldn’t hear when he called to apologize (that’s IF he apologized, which he HADN’T) but ON anyways so I could the number of missed calls–there were no missed calls. Just a few text messages from my network about some holiday free-calling promotion I could care less about. It’s not as if I had anyone to call anyway…
…..The SOMEONE I used to call AND text for hours had dumped me flat on my ass–well, technically, I was the one who broke it off–for another girl who was less ‘plain’ than I was. Imagine that? The guy who you had devoted your life to for over two and a half years tells you you’re too ‘bland’ for his taste! I had been horrified, really. But the tears never came. I had taken the insult like a boss and did the bravest thing yet (I still credit myself for the strength I had shown for I have no idea where it had suddenly come from).
I’d said, ‘No hard feelings, MH. I wish you the very best in life.’ At that point, I had thought myself weak; too defeated to even manage a spicy retort.
But guess what, MH, today–and two years later–I finally feel the sweetness of victory. I find that I no longer need your apologies (hell, I’ll apologize FOR you. I had wished you well regardless of how much you had hurt me. I’d loved you, MH, but that day I had chosen to love myself MORE; so I let you go. Hurrah, for me!!

-Hannah

P.S- The Lifetime movie was ‘Finding Mr. Right.

Sample of My Current Novel (Y) I’m open to feedback: “The Earl’s Servant Bride”

Climbing Mountains in High-Heels

CHAPTER ONE

(Leicester Manor, 1813)

Kane de Montfort, Earl of Leicester, could not stand the fact that he was left stranded in the woods… again. Served him right for going against his better judgement thinking he could tame that wild beast. Blowing out a long exasperated sigh, he pushed a low-lying branch out of his way, drier ones crunching sharply beneath his boots. The humongous beast of a horse had none but thrown him off its back and down into a pile of, what he’d never admit to anyone was, animal droppings.  Using a handkerchief to remove the excess filth from his cloak, he then took hurried strides in the direction of his house.
It was evening and he could already imagine the pitiful glare his mother, the dowager countess, would be giving him the moment he stepped through the foyer. Lady Victoria always had thought him too impulsive for…

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Crazy, Stupid, AWESOME Love

Am I the only one who have ever gotten caught up in a “teaching” love relationship?

Quite frankly, I am a terrible teacher and unconventionality fascinates me more than anything else. Yes, it does! Why go along with the old-fashioned terms? Why not break from tradition and explore outside the box of society’s expectations?

Is it so wrong to try something new?

Well, I found myself starving in a relationship where I had to give lessons on love. I mean, actual LESSONS. It is not that I expect too much or that I’m demanding. I just believe that your partner should not be completely ignorant on how to function in a relationship. I get it…. we can learn from each other but there must be some spark there that keeps you excited to come back for more… and more.

According to¬† Astrologers, (I’m an Aquarian, by the way), I might tend to seem distant and guarded throughout a relationship. Trust me, I am working at that problem. But on the other hand, I’ll love almost unconditionally as long as my partner understand my need for a little freedom. For me, love is a great thing. That might sound a bit cliche but… it’s true!

Just look outside… Locate a tree, any tree… Have you done that already?… Great! Now, count the number of fallen leaves you see on the ground. Yeah; I’ve been hurt that many times! Maybe not that much but you get my point here. So regardless of how many times by heart has been trampled, crushed and burnt to ashes, I still find myself searching for love and hoping to love hard once I finally get there.

Yeah, in case you’re wondering, I’m the kind of girl who acts all cool and composed when a cute guy passes by and compliments me & then as soon as I round a corner, my smile stretches from ear to ear! Lol. Literally! Well, that’s if I don’t trip and fall over my own nervousness before I even reach the stupid corner.

I remember back in high school; I was walking to school when I saw a group of cute guys standing further up the street. I immediately got nervous and quickly adjusted my posture, attempting the “prim-and-proper” look and decided to just strut “sexily” pass them. My heart beat had been almost deafening but I held my breath and kept on going. I guess nature did not agree with me that day because as I was half-way pass the group of guys, I tripped and almost flattened my face! Do you know embarrassing? At that moment, I sent out a quick prayer to God:

“Please do not let them laugh… or else take me.” And I scurried off in the other direction before I even got the answer I knew I wouldn’t like to hear.

So, I love guys (hate them sometimes) but that’s just life, isn’t it?

You won’t get the best of both worlds! One day you’ll wake up looking fresh and radiant… and the other, you’ll run from the mirror wondering what fight you’d lost in far-away Dreamland. The best thing to do is embrace life as it comes. Try new things, take a risk now-and-again, and eat a bar of chocolate sometimes!