I believe that there is a time in every woman’s life where she must come to terms with her mistakes, her misgivings…her flaws and cast the formidable “pride” aside (at least for a while).
Growing up as a child, I’d never been financially fortunate or stable but I was lucky indeed to have had (I still do) the privilege of a blooming love around me. An unconditional and compassionate love that I would not trade for the world as it is this love that has made me into the person I am today. At 19 years old, I must admit that I may still be too young to fully grasp the total aspects of this world and commit myself completely to the spasms and rocky hills of love…but hey, I can try, can’t I? And I am more than willing to. ‘Eager’ would be the best word.
My mother had always taught me never to lose my identity…neither for love OR what I might think love is. There is no such thing. I should not be forced to make such a sacrifice! True love accepts you for who you are. For at the end of the day, what matters most is that I should be able to look in the mirror and recognize myself for who I am…and not for what the world has molded me into. I’ve had my share of heartaches and losses in life (yes, I’m completely human and if you cut me you’ll see a red liquid oozing out called blood) but there is no use moping about feeling sorry for myself. I have to take action as an individual and become a better person just for the heck of it. Just because I want to.
So, I’ve created a list of apologies I feel I owe to myself, for Kat Richter has been such an inspiration in my life since lately. Here are five (5) of them:
1. I’m sorry that sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see.
2. I’m sorry I’ve made myself believe that I cannot have FUN just for having fun’s sake…
3. I’m sorry that sometimes I keep my true self guarded out of fear of getting hurt.
4. I’m sorry I’ve lied to myself countless times–dimming my true potential simply out of shyness.
5. I’m sorry that I don’t allow myself to tell HIM I love him as much as I should–as much as I DO.
After writing my list, I figured that I had discovered a lot more about myself than I had imagined I would have. So, today I have recognized just what I need to do about it. And this list takes effect immediately:
1. I’m beautiful. Completely breathtaking right down to every dark spot, acne mark and cellulite.
2. I’ll start having FUN because deep down I know that I want to take a well-needed break from my boorish reserved life.
3. I promise to be more open and giving. I refuse to let the possibility of getting hurt (again) hold me back anylonger. It’s not worth it.
4. This one may take some time and a bit more effort to accomplish but I promise to work on releasing my inhibitions and insecurities; and pursue my dreams, utilizing my abilities to my fullest potential.
5. I LOVE YOU, KR!! I will now say it more often as I understand that even though you know that I do, it wouldn’t hurt to hear it.
P.S. KR just happens to be one of the best things to happen to me in a very long while.